Monday, March 8, 2010
Too Tired
I wore my self out the past few days, trying to clean before people came over....to go out for my birthday, going out, then an Oscar party and dental and doctor appts today starting at 7:30am...I am beat so apologize for not writing the big story yet.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I lost 108lbs in 5 weeks!
This is a long story and I haven't the energy right now to post it. I will tell my story on the weekend by Monday, March 8th, 2010.
I want people to hear about it because I know there are people who are miserable, trapped in their houses and in dispair.
I clocked in at a high of 420lbs in the hospital and left 13 days later at 348. I am still losing, but much slower....a total of 108lbs in 5 weeks.
I am not complaining, isn't it everyone's dream to wake up 100lbs thinner?. I actually prayed for it, not knowing how the Universal Force was going to give it to me, almost dying was not the way I would have chosen.
The good thing is, no surgery, no bypass no lapband,o-band, sleeve or what have you.
I have hope of going all the way to 145 now.
I want people to hear about it because I know there are people who are miserable, trapped in their houses and in dispair.
I clocked in at a high of 420lbs in the hospital and left 13 days later at 348. I am still losing, but much slower....a total of 108lbs in 5 weeks.
I am not complaining, isn't it everyone's dream to wake up 100lbs thinner?. I actually prayed for it, not knowing how the Universal Force was going to give it to me, almost dying was not the way I would have chosen.
The good thing is, no surgery, no bypass no lapband,o-band, sleeve or what have you.
I have hope of going all the way to 145 now.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Better
I did the subliminal hypnosis really early and fell in hard drooling sleep in 5 minutes so that was great! If I had been in the place I would have been snoring.
The thing I notice first w/listening to the CDs is they put some kind of weird averson to fast food in my head/stomach. I remember this from before. I think and want to go but then what I think about ordering sounds icky and I get a pit feeling and so I just can't talk myself into going...like everything is greasy and the thought makes me nauseous. This, of course, is a GREAT thing.
I ate better today, baby steps. Strawberries on colon blow cereal w/1% milk and some grapes and raw almonds, the worst was 2 organic apple turnovers...300 cal each and a small Totino crispy pizza w/the sauce wiped off....(I like a thin thin veneer of sauce) mostly like a cracker.
I ran out of crunchies for the cat so I HAVE to make myself go to Albertsons in the morning at 7am before the fireball burns my retinas out.
Tomorrow I aim to WALK two times around the pool. Sad that this will be hard-yes it is actually hard for me to do such a tiny thing. Baby steps.
The thing I notice first w/listening to the CDs is they put some kind of weird averson to fast food in my head/stomach. I remember this from before. I think and want to go but then what I think about ordering sounds icky and I get a pit feeling and so I just can't talk myself into going...like everything is greasy and the thought makes me nauseous. This, of course, is a GREAT thing.
I ate better today, baby steps. Strawberries on colon blow cereal w/1% milk and some grapes and raw almonds, the worst was 2 organic apple turnovers...300 cal each and a small Totino crispy pizza w/the sauce wiped off....(I like a thin thin veneer of sauce) mostly like a cracker.
I ran out of crunchies for the cat so I HAVE to make myself go to Albertsons in the morning at 7am before the fireball burns my retinas out.
Tomorrow I aim to WALK two times around the pool. Sad that this will be hard-yes it is actually hard for me to do such a tiny thing. Baby steps.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
yeah yeah sucky day
I did not weigh, did not meaure. I did not go outside. Inertia rules.
I watched The View and I did do my sublim hypnosis. That was the plus du jour.
I did not go to the grocery store or Trader Joes. I was awake all night listening to Gary Null and his dire talk of bad health and politics...switching to BBC worldservice when I realized it was the damn fund beg. I hate the fund-beg....they say the phone number too many times.
What I ate-dregs of the empty house...I ate celery w/some Skippy peanut butter. I ate a bad of sweet maui onion potatoe chips from the 99 cent store. I ate a bag of salted peanuts in the shell from the dollar store. I ate a tiny pack of chicken spooge from Nutrisystem on some fake ritz like crackers....it's like cat food. I ate half a package of marshmello cookies from the 99 cent store. Water and my multivitamin, a biotin, a primrose oil and a potassium. bleh I feel bloated and like crap and since I BARELY moved I have the swollen up bad tire thighs which ache and make it impossible to walk and or go to the car.
The thigh thing is excess lymph I believe. It is creepy and hurts like achy not stabbing pain. I know that if I just move MOVE more it gets better...just pushing thru that pain....puts me back on the chair or the bed.
I started reading Jenette Fulda's Half assed book again. She just started, she had gall bladder surgery and that kind of pushed her into dealing with the fat. I liked her book the first time because she wasn't overly dramatic or a food nazi or exercise nazi. And she didn't have that 12 stepper attitude when they have like a month sober and they become overbearing know it alls who feel the need to crow about how they are now qualifyed to tell everone else how to live. Subset of AA includes the fucked up on the Lord Jesus people. They replace drugs and alcohol with meetings and the bible and get the feverish urge to SHARE with one and all. I love how they all smoke like maniacs and mainline bad strong coffee while pretending those two behaviors are not compulsive. OA was not for me. I don't like that whole victim mentality.
I wonder (dr. phil) what is my PAYOFF for being so fat? I will ponder.
I watched The View and I did do my sublim hypnosis. That was the plus du jour.
I did not go to the grocery store or Trader Joes. I was awake all night listening to Gary Null and his dire talk of bad health and politics...switching to BBC worldservice when I realized it was the damn fund beg. I hate the fund-beg....they say the phone number too many times.
What I ate-dregs of the empty house...I ate celery w/some Skippy peanut butter. I ate a bad of sweet maui onion potatoe chips from the 99 cent store. I ate a bag of salted peanuts in the shell from the dollar store. I ate a tiny pack of chicken spooge from Nutrisystem on some fake ritz like crackers....it's like cat food. I ate half a package of marshmello cookies from the 99 cent store. Water and my multivitamin, a biotin, a primrose oil and a potassium. bleh I feel bloated and like crap and since I BARELY moved I have the swollen up bad tire thighs which ache and make it impossible to walk and or go to the car.
The thigh thing is excess lymph I believe. It is creepy and hurts like achy not stabbing pain. I know that if I just move MOVE more it gets better...just pushing thru that pain....puts me back on the chair or the bed.
I started reading Jenette Fulda's Half assed book again. She just started, she had gall bladder surgery and that kind of pushed her into dealing with the fat. I liked her book the first time because she wasn't overly dramatic or a food nazi or exercise nazi. And she didn't have that 12 stepper attitude when they have like a month sober and they become overbearing know it alls who feel the need to crow about how they are now qualifyed to tell everone else how to live. Subset of AA includes the fucked up on the Lord Jesus people. They replace drugs and alcohol with meetings and the bible and get the feverish urge to SHARE with one and all. I love how they all smoke like maniacs and mainline bad strong coffee while pretending those two behaviors are not compulsive. OA was not for me. I don't like that whole victim mentality.
I wonder (dr. phil) what is my PAYOFF for being so fat? I will ponder.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Starting-FINALLY!!!
Geeze, I know. I didn't realize BIGGEST LOSER was starting tonight and I was flipping between that and MORE TO LOVE. MTL started with some BIG girls but then in the end it came down to the two smaller but with big tits. Typical. I just envy big tits. At 500lbs I would still have B with a tuck. Hell tonight on BL the men had bigger man boobs than I have. I was jealous. I also forgot since it was the debut that they would weigh in after one week tonight in the same show so most of them are pretty huge and lost like 15-20 lbs in a week. I had promised my friend I would listen to my hypnosis CD today and I did and it helps me so much.
MY history is in 2004 I joined POSITIVE CHANGES and I lost 120 lbs in about 9 months. The place went out of business....some scammy biz deal gone bad and so I bought $300 worth of the CDs online and the glasses so I have no excuse. Problem is, I was doing so excellent, I was up to walking around the lake 5 miles every morning, then I would get a Mcgriddle egg & cheese and a milk and throw the hash brown in the freezer---and have milk or coffee and I took a grip of vitamins and I would get a turkey,lettuce mayo what bread sandwich and eat half for lunch and half for dinner. I was walking around the parking lot in HELL for my breaks and lunch and then eating waldorf salad from Gelsons and maybe a chicken sandwich from Jack in the Box w/swiss cheese, throw the top bun away and milk....but then my world crashed.
My mother told me the Taz died ---no problem whoo hoo have a party!!! (hated my father-abusive insane alcoholic) BUT what I didn't realize is my mom lived in utter chaos and madness and had been lying to me for 20 years. I was brow beaten into going to check on her and lost my mind, but more than that---the HARDEST thing was that she said how fat I looked. Yes, I had lost 130lbs and was at 270 and pretty proud and feeling strong and good in bike shorts and a tshirt and she said that...mind you she looked like an elf. She was 68lbs....an anorexic and crazy but it hurt me to my core. I stopped exercising and hypnosis and gained it all back +
I was so stupid, I beat myself up because if I would have picked myself up and ignored her I would have reached my goal weight and my world would be sooooo different and I would not have undone this...not only am I starting over I am HEAVIER. ARRRGGGGHHHH I am trying to not loathe myself.
More tomorrow. measure, weigh and shop for some food.
MY history is in 2004 I joined POSITIVE CHANGES and I lost 120 lbs in about 9 months. The place went out of business....some scammy biz deal gone bad and so I bought $300 worth of the CDs online and the glasses so I have no excuse. Problem is, I was doing so excellent, I was up to walking around the lake 5 miles every morning, then I would get a Mcgriddle egg & cheese and a milk and throw the hash brown in the freezer---and have milk or coffee and I took a grip of vitamins and I would get a turkey,lettuce mayo what bread sandwich and eat half for lunch and half for dinner. I was walking around the parking lot in HELL for my breaks and lunch and then eating waldorf salad from Gelsons and maybe a chicken sandwich from Jack in the Box w/swiss cheese, throw the top bun away and milk....but then my world crashed.
My mother told me the Taz died ---no problem whoo hoo have a party!!! (hated my father-abusive insane alcoholic) BUT what I didn't realize is my mom lived in utter chaos and madness and had been lying to me for 20 years. I was brow beaten into going to check on her and lost my mind, but more than that---the HARDEST thing was that she said how fat I looked. Yes, I had lost 130lbs and was at 270 and pretty proud and feeling strong and good in bike shorts and a tshirt and she said that...mind you she looked like an elf. She was 68lbs....an anorexic and crazy but it hurt me to my core. I stopped exercising and hypnosis and gained it all back +
I was so stupid, I beat myself up because if I would have picked myself up and ignored her I would have reached my goal weight and my world would be sooooo different and I would not have undone this...not only am I starting over I am HEAVIER. ARRRGGGGHHHH I am trying to not loathe myself.
More tomorrow. measure, weigh and shop for some food.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
No-still didn't get groceries
I played on the HP site for their video contest. I thought I did it right but they never uploaded my videos so maybe I messed up somewhere. I also found out just now that my super sticky post it notes did not get in the finals. wahhhhhhh so sad...and I now have no hope for my 2 amazon.com ads. Oh well. I learned stuff and at least I tried and I finished and submitted them. (pat pat)
I am working up to the no carb/low carb thing...I remembered that over a year ago I joined Kimkins so I logged back in and she really has a lost of good positive stories and recipes. I think it will help me with the Metabolism Miracle diet. I found no carb protein powder they recommend but it's $58 on amazon. I also found a low 2 net carb bread place online.
getting closer but haven't started yet.
I am working up to the no carb/low carb thing...I remembered that over a year ago I joined Kimkins so I logged back in and she really has a lost of good positive stories and recipes. I think it will help me with the Metabolism Miracle diet. I found no carb protein powder they recommend but it's $58 on amazon. I also found a low 2 net carb bread place online.
getting closer but haven't started yet.
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