Inspired but still f*ck'd

I am a fan of Pastaqueen.com...blogger of massive weight loss and enjoyed her book and posts. I like her because she is funny and morose at times and seems real and she started around where I am now. I am close to the 400lb mark but haven't weighed and video'd and picture'd til I OFFICIALLY START.
No, I haven't prepared my environment and I feel yucky and guilty and stupid and wonder what the hell is wrong with me....then I think maybe I shouldn't write how I really feel for the whole world to see, esp my Aunt who is horrified by my fatness. but then aren't you supposed to unburden yourself?...plus I really wanna put some scary underwear obese pictures on here but am a little too chicken...ideally naked would be the most honest but then do you want it to live on the internet forever and printed out and mocked?...probably a bad ego driven mistake I should try and avoid.

I still have my go to the frigging grocery store phobia. I desperately need to go and to my PO Box which I haven't picked up for 2 weeks.

I had JackintheBox croissant no bacon, orange juice and potato sticks and then tonight I ate IN&OUT hamburger no tomato and 2 fries and a milk. I have no food in my house.

Grocery store tomorrow morning?...maybe.