No-still didn't get groceries

I played on the HP site for their video contest. I thought I did it right but they never uploaded my videos so maybe I messed up somewhere. I also found out just now that my super sticky post it notes did not get in the finals. wahhhhhhh so sad...and I now have no hope for my 2 amazon.com ads. Oh well. I learned stuff and at least I tried and I finished and submitted them. (pat pat)

I am working up to the no carb/low carb thing...I remembered that over a year ago I joined Kimkins so I logged back in and she really has a lost of good positive stories and recipes. I think it will help me with the Metabolism Miracle diet. I found no carb protein powder they recommend but it's $58 on amazon. I also found a low 2 net carb bread place online.

getting closer but haven't started yet.

Inspired but still f*ck'd

I am a fan of Pastaqueen.com...blogger of massive weight loss and enjoyed her book and posts. I like her because she is funny and morose at times and seems real and she started around where I am now. I am close to the 400lb mark but haven't weighed and video'd and picture'd til I OFFICIALLY START.
No, I haven't prepared my environment and I feel yucky and guilty and stupid and wonder what the hell is wrong with me....then I think maybe I shouldn't write how I really feel for the whole world to see, esp my Aunt who is horrified by my fatness. but then aren't you supposed to unburden yourself?...plus I really wanna put some scary underwear obese pictures on here but am a little too chicken...ideally naked would be the most honest but then do you want it to live on the internet forever and printed out and mocked?...probably a bad ego driven mistake I should try and avoid.

I still have my go to the frigging grocery store phobia. I desperately need to go and to my PO Box which I haven't picked up for 2 weeks.

I had JackintheBox croissant no bacon, orange juice and potato sticks and then tonight I ate IN&OUT hamburger no tomato and 2 fries and a milk. I have no food in my house.

Grocery store tomorrow morning?...maybe.

carb monkey still on my back

Yes yes carb junkie...still on my back. I didn't start on Aug 1st----I didn't have the carb binge I wanted to have...I went to Brents and had a hot turkey sandwich w/mashed potatoes...didn't eat the bread...and some chocolate chip rugella. I had Tommy's chili and onion hamburger and fries today after seeing that movie JULIE/JULIA (the butter!)but I am MAJORLY jonesing for tuna casserole with rice and potato chips. I have my weird grocery store phobia happening now which means I am weird about not going to the grocery store at all so that means drive thru or pizza delivery. It takes me days and days to talk myself into going to the grocery store...even just to buy the food I need to plan for the no carb thing.arrrggghhhh trying not to hate myself. Virginia and I used to call them "fairwell feasts" but this one isn't going too well. I also crave grapefruit and cantelope like crazy so I have to include those in the binge. Not sure when I will get to the store and start...tick tick tick tick....